You are worth protecting. A letter to fellow survivors.

                                   You are worth protecting.  
                                          *TRIGGER WARNING*

Awhile ago, here on the Buckaroogirl blog – I shared something really personal and difficult for me that I felt The Lord was leading me to say.

It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve done, and it has also ended up being one of the biggest blessings I’ve ever experienced.

Sexual abuse and domestic violence is not something most people are comfortable with talking about…and it shouldn’t be.

But it is also something that, as a culture, we have to be able to discuss and talk about. If we aren’t vocal about it – nothing will change.

When I say my experience with sharing my history was a blessing as well as being difficult, I really mean it. At first, the terror of wondering what people would say after I shared my history was the most difficult thing. Then, within the first few hours of posting the blog – I realized it didn’t matter how it affected me in the end anymore. God had a bigger plan with my story than I could understand, because He is using me to help other people.

The letters, messages and emails started pouring in right after after my blog was posted. I didn’t just receive letters from girls. Everyone always seems to think that WOMEN are the only victims of assault-and this is not the case. About 10% of victims, in the states alone, are men. Grown men and women, teenagers and children who I couldn’t believe were living through this hell-on-earth at their age, all wrote with their stories.

Questions, answers and prayers. Wonderings, hope and despair.

It was all there. From all walks of life, survivors who had healed long ago-and those who were just trying to make it to the next day in their journey of healing.

The responses and letters I received did exactly the opposite of what I expected, it made my heart hurt to hear about all the similar pain so many out there feel, just like I did. But the joy that I saw in these survivors, knowing they were not alone, and that we are all in this together-made my heart full of joy and hope.

This is basically a “tips blog.” A post with just a few solutions I have found through personal experience, that may or may not be helpful to the survivor’s situation. I always try and respond to any letter I get from those who are struggling and looking for advice, but I also know there are those who are too scared or intimidated to write-and so-this is for them.

I’m not claiming to have all the answers. Maybe these ideas won’t work for you, but maybe they will. And if even one little tid-bit can help someone to not feel so alone, or not so scared-then I want to share them.

You are loved, you are not alone.

• ·      If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t do it. This is the time to be selfish about caring for yourself. It isn’t being rude, it isn’t being wrong. You have to be a little rough around the edges to protect yourself sometimes, care enough to do it-because your health and happiness isn’t worth you being polite. You are worth protecting.
• ·      Take time out for YOU. I am a huge people person, but I need my alone time. A lot of it. Take time for a hot shower or bath, a cup of tea and a book. Chill in your sweats and TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. This quiet time is good for you and your soul and gives you time to think and re-charge. You are worth protecting.
• ·      Beware of movies, TV Shows and music. I used to LOVE some seriously heavy metal music. A lot of dark rock, angry sounding stuff. But I realized that that sound, and the lyrics (even though sometimes you can’t understand what the heck they are saying) are damaging and you don’t even realize it. Movies are the same thing. I love Disney. I cannot do torture scenes, babies dying and women being beaten anymore. And I shouldn’t have to. Neither should you. Check the ratings on movies before you see them in the theater. Go with someone who loves you and whom you feel safe with. Choose subjects that will not cause a trigger for you, and do NOT try to force yourself to watch those things. I did for a long time. I thought I needed to be “tough” and “just watch them.” That is not the case. It is harmful. You are worth protecting.
• ·      You have been through enough. Because of the violence that has been done to you, you will be more inclined to hang out with people who will hurt you as well or who are unhealthy. I know it sounds weird, but it is so easy to let happen. Protect yourself and make good choices about who you hang out with, and trust. Choose healthy, and caring people who don’t drink and do drugs. It will only ease the pain for a while before destroying you. You are the company you keep. You are worth protecting.
• ·      Take care of your body. Eat healthy, don’t do fad diets and don’t starve yourself. It doesn’t help, I’ve tried. Drink lots of water, and try to get a good night’s sleep. If you have troubles with the dark and sleeping (I still do) Ask your doctor about natural sleep aids and breathing exercises. Take care of yourself. You are worth protecting.

I love you all, you are not alone.

Xoxo

~Adrian

ps. If anyone is struggling and feels like they need to talk, write, or just rant-I am always here. Please feel free to email me at Adrian@buckaroogirl.com.